If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
