Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize