apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
