And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
