And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
