When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
