Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The Olympian is in my bed
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
