Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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