Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
