Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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