Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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