We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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