we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You're like the curious george of whores
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
