Please, let me fuck your mom
I puked a lego.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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