Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
