Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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