so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
