I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize