$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
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Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
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Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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