I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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