I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
