I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
