New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
