if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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