My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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