I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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