It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
