Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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