yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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