The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
