And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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