is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
