when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have fence marks all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize