ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
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Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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