Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
