is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
