i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
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Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We have started to decorate penises.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
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I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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