Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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