this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
