I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
