I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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