your parents love me but you hate me
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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