Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
