dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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