I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
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where are you?
Hypothermia
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
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She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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