The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
thus making me awesome and them whores
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
