I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
