getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
