I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
