forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
