I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
