I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
