you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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