You can't motorboat a personality
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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