I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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