You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
