took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
