Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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