I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
im six kinds of drunk right now
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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