we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
