The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
