Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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