the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
