I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
