Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize