I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
im about as happy as oj after his trial
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
