WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
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Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
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They took my balls.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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