I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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