You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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