I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
