Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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