According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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