Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
