he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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