Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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