i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
