my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Even my vagina gasped.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
