grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
